you don't know glenn casper

Jan

26

2012

“hey cody—it’s hutch. we’re running out of green.”

posted 1 day ago

Jan

24

2012

THIS JUST IN: SMARTIES HAVE FLAVORS!

i had no idea. i have been eating smarties for at least 20 years and i had never appreciated the sublte nuanced flavor each color has.

i discovered this yesterday by accident. i was too busy to get lunch so i ate every food-like substance i had in my office, which included a roll of smarties. since “food” was scarce, i forced myself to ration off what i had. that meant eating one smartie at a time.

with my hunger at an abnormally high level, my taste buds must have been heightened. i was having a unique and very different taste with each smartie i ate. it was like what i imagine a blind person would feel like if they could all of a sudden see.

thank you, smarties. i no longer live in the darkness.

posted 3 days ago

Jan

20

2012

it only takes one slutty koala to ruin everything.

posted 1 week ago

Jan

18

2012

terrible yu darvish puns that i haven’t seen in the media…yet

YU gonna finish these fries?
a - e - i - o - YU - and sometimes y.
YU can’t handle the truth.
and i miss YU (like the deserts miss the rain).
YU talkin’ to me?
ed reed. the YU.

posted 1 week ago

Jan

12

2012

the work poop upper hand

i know everybody poops, but for some reason pooping at work has always intrigued me. you just get up from your desk, walk by everyone on your way to the bathroom, poop, then walk back in. everybody knows you just pooped and that’s weird to me.

when i go take a poop i try to mix up my game. leave one door, comeback in another. sometimes i return to my desk with some fake papers or office supplies that i pick up randomly on my way back to my desk. like people will see something in my hand and think i was scouring the other end of the office for the past six minutes really looking for a blue highlighter.

maybe people don’t think about it like i do, but when i know someone else just pooped it gives me some sort of weird upper hand. like i know more about you today than you know about me. and i don’t like giving up that upper hand to someone else.

i just had a meeting with a guy in my office and as we were talking his phone went off a couple times to alert him of a text or an email. it was a very distinct tone i haven’t heard before that went ba-deep. after the meeting, he walks out of my office in the opposite direction of his office. i think nothing of it and get back to work.

after a couple of minutes i decide to hit the bathroom to take a pee. when i get in there the stall on the end is occupied and i can smell some serious work pooping going on. as i am peeing i hear some toilet paper rustle and then very distinctly…ba-deep.

boom. work poop upper hand.

posted 2 weeks ago

Jan

10

2012

bull: don’t act like you’re not impressed.

posted 2 weeks ago

Dec

17

2011

gotemcoach:

Moron.

@gotem_coach

the lockout was not kind to dirk nowitzki. just kidding (like jason).

for what it’s worth, i predicted this signing as soon as he got cut from phoenix. just knowing his game at this stage in his career, i considered him to be like an older caron butler.

then i started looking at the numbers, and i realized i was pretty spot-on.

carter (73 games) went 14, 3.8, 2 and .9 (PT, REB, AST, STL) in 2011 and butler (29 games) went 15, 4.1, 1.6 and 1 (PT, REB, AST, STL) in 2011. vince is 3 years older than butler, but caron is coming off a knee explosion. only time can tell if he will be able to reach the averages he had last year, when a lot of people considered him to be playing his best basketball.

both are signed to new, 3-year contracts, but one is at the mid-level exception (carter) and one is $24 mil guaranteed (butler). for basically the same stats, i’ll take the older, non-knee explosion guy at more than half the price any day of the week.

plus, he once did this.

(via sportspage)

posted 1 month ago

Dec

07

2011

thedailywhat:

PSA of the Day: CollegeHumor has teamed up with the cast of Community, er, I mean the students of Greendale, to ask for your help in saving Community. I mean Greendale.

surprised they could get joel mchale’s wig guy on such short notice.

i kid, i kid…

…joel mchale’s wig guy is on standby 24-7.

(Source: collegehumor)

posted 1 month ago

Dec

07

2011