my little bro sang the national anthem with his choir at the rangers game last night and got manhandled by knox after the game. NBD.
the rangers were tied with the red sox last night going into the bottom of the ninth. i was watching the top of the 9th and saw kirkman and nathan warming up, so i knew if we didn’t score that inning, we were going to lose. sure enough, we didn’t score so our fate was sealed. i just walked out of the room and gave my twins their baths.
when i came back i saw highlights of big papi rounding the bases with kirkman doing his patented sad, loafy walk back to the dugout.
i had to see how it all went down this morning and the stat line is hilariously perfect. he threw 6 pitches that went as follows:
pitch 1 - double by jonny gomes
pitches 2,3,4 & 5 - intentional walk to dustin pedroia
pitch 6 - 3-run homer by big papi
i really don’t know any other way to say it. michael kirkman sucks balls.
“Geroge” Brett, ya’ll.
spotted this playa on my way to work and yes, those dual calvins are pissing on the word “haters.”
if you’re hating on haters, doesn’t that make you a hater?
“Okay, that was a good warmup, I guess, but I think I can do better. After the first couple lines, the melody kinda got away from me. I don’t know if it was obvious. Also, I didn’t know the kazoo was gonna be quite that aggressive. And that’s not a criticism, Marty, do exactly what you did before, it’s terrific. I’ll just be ready this time. Also, I know it was my idea, but now that we’ve done it, having Roger come in mid-word to hit that note for me on the very last line felt sort of humiliating. Especially when I kind of limp back in at the end. It just felt bad, y’know? So, okay, if everyone’s ready, let’s roll on take 2.”
“Um, sorry, the song just went out live to start the show.”
“Oh no, really?”
“Yeah. Oh, and, we recorded it onto a golden record that we shot into space.”
“What!? That fast?”
“Well, I mean, it’s not in space yet, but it’s definitely on its way. We had all the stuff ready to go.”
“For what it’s worth, I thought it sounded okay.”
“Yeah. I mean, I wasn’t giving it my full attention because I was busy with the space launch, but, like, in the background nothing stood out as horrible.”
“Ooooooh. Kay. Listen, next time? Let me know if you’re gonna record anything onto a golden record and shoot it into space? Because I might want to rehearse it more than once, you know?”
“Will do. Although, there probably won’t be a next time because we absolutely spent our whole budget for the next ten seasons.”
“On the golden-record-into-space thing?”
Thanks to Ben Acker.
i love everything about this.
kmart has balls. hat tip.
a day late, but i must keep up the tradition. your opening day ron washington tribute.